Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
look no pants
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
