well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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