I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
