i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
