So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
