smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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