Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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