dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Floor bacon is actually really good
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
