this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
