I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
