i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
