You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize