It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
