Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
