East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
