my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
