sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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