hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
