apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
