I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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