Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
