? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
