You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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