So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
