do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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