does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
