I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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