The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
