I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
