why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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