i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
