I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
