I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
