I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
