Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
