just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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