this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize