whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
