Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
