you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
