making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
