The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
