don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I party with great urgency now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
