I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
