i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
