He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
