I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
