Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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