I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
