the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
