good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
