...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
