I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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