i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to have your abortion
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
