i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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