u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
