Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
