I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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