I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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