Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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