Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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