Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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