My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
