Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
