We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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