Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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