So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
