I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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