do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
