She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
