I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I sprained my soul last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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