The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cockslap morals
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
