he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
