I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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