I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A+ Viking dick
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
