i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How does one acquire holy water?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
